I had finished an incredible amount of work last April. Including an entire dish set (mugs, bowls, appetizer plates and dinner plates), 30 logo mugs, and vases for a local flower shop. I was so excited to complete the body of work and bring the ware to my encouraging supporters… and then my kiln didn’t fire temperature. I quickly fired again, and it still couldn’t wouldn’t heat up to the required temperature. I took a month long break, rearranged the kiln, re-glazed some pieces and tried again. 15 hours later, going late into the night, I pulled the plug- I was nervous: I didn’t want to over-fire my ware, especially the beautiful dinner plates. An average cone 6 firing to 2236 degrees Fahrenheit should be 10 - 12 hours. I still did not reach temperature.
The gray mountain set and logo mugs. Look like they are complete but are not food safe yet. The texture is still matt and porous. I am soooo close.
My mood plummeted, I battled staying on top of depression while be aware of allowing myself to grieve for the loss of doing what I said I was going to do, when I said I was going to do it. Humbly, I reached out to the people that ordered the ware and told them I didn’t know when they would receive it.
My beautiful, gifted and well-loved kiln.
My kiln was a gift. A wonderful, supportive, surprise gift. A gift with the intention to give me the freedom of my own studio. From a person I don’t know well, but saw my work and wanted to support me. I am so thankful for this gift, I needed this gift at that time. I had just had a child and all income I had was going to support my family and home. This gift allowed me to create when my little one went to bed, it allowed me to keep my identity as an artist, it allowed me to do what I love. I developed a new ceramic style with this kiln, I created my own glazes, I found supporters to purchase my wares. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for this gift.
These vases were fired beside each other. The one on the left soaked up more heat and is closer to being vitreous, while the right one is matt and porous.
I’ve read many self-help books that have helped me understand my fine line between okay and not okay. I am thankful for all these thoughtful books that authors create for people like me to learn that they shouldn’t do it all by themselves. But I still I find myself internally fighting to stay true to the indoctrinated social construct that tells me to be a high-achieving individual that feels multitudes of shame to ask for help. All in the name of capitalism, perhaps patriarchy? Those deeply penetrating social and political systems that take value away from community and connection. Like any over analyzing, overthinker, I digress…
The plates. I can’t wait to see the final product of these. They have been so strong through all the firings, so far no signs of stress cracks.
I am thankful for my understanding supporters who have graciously told me to take as long as I need. Seven months later, I am still taking them up on that offer. I have been between mourning my kiln, waiting for parts to fix it, and mourning my kiln again when I tried to fire again and the parts didn’t work like I needed them too. I have now glaze fired the kiln 6 times to no avail. I have to be careful because if I fire the ware to many times the bowls and mugs may loose their circular shape, the dinner plates may develop stress cracks on the bottom, and the glaze may congregate and not smoothly cover the object. I only have so many tries, and I long ago passed them. Continued firing is a gamble to detrimental loss.
Up close of the matt texture, looks and feels good, but not the intention for functional wares.
When people think ceramic artist, they think fun… well, they reference the movie Ghost- but really they think its hobbyist, fun activity. Including sitting on the wheel: throwing, creating new objects. But in my experience, the throwing, “creating”, a piece is 1/10th of it. I am often asked how long it takes to make something, and while it may only take me 7-10 minutes to throw a mug on the wheel, it can take me well over an hour to also prepare the clay, trim and handle the mug, make glazes, glaze the work and load and unload the kiln. That doesn’t include the time it requires to maintain studio, website, business connections, and all the other preparation that single mug has behind it. Lol - Maybe it is 1/20th.
Cascade on a blue-bird day. Banff National park.
The sky is blue and I will turn this into a positive learning experience. Things that I have thought about are:
The self help books have helped. I am kinder to myself and more aware of my thoughts and feelings when dealing with adversity. I feel less anxious and more accepting.
I am grateful for the gifts in my life. I appreciate the gift of the kiln and how far it has taken me.
I need to work on my connections, community and asking for help. It is time for me to work on these important life skills.
I am passed trying to fix this kiln to work for me. I will be purchasing a new kiln. I could bring in a kiln electrician and order a new lid for it, but I would like the ability to control my firing schedules more closely. With a new kiln, I could play with crystalline glazes and the lusters that I have been dreaming about. I have a big number birthday coming up and have decided to buy myself a new kiln to celebrate.